Blue Room

Disclaimer: The Daily Tar Hell is purely satirical, don't take it too seriously. 

Upon completion of the newest room in UNC’s student union last Sunday, a line of eager students stretches to the Old Well. Students have been camping out in front of the Frank Porter Graham Student Union since renovations began Dec. 16, the night UNC was founded. Established as the “Blue Room,” it stands as a masterpiece of four walls painted UNC blue, including both the ceiling and floor. 

One rumor suggests that the purpose of renovation in UNC’s student union has been due to Chancellor Carol Folt’s jealousy over NC State’s recent reconstruction of their Talley Student Union. Folt disagrees with how NC State uses expensive furniture that requires the use of student labor from their design and engineering departments. To make sure no student work is ever showcased, Folt issued a mandated order for there to be no furnishings in the room. The result has turned out to be unprecedented of that of all college campuses.

The UNC arts department has critiqued this work, claiming that there could not have been a better design.

“The absence of furniture suggests a more intense focus on the sacred color of blue,” said Jim Hirschfield, chair of the arts department. “It prevents shadows that would cause a darker shade of blue.”

Taking this a step further, light blue light panels in the ceiling have been blended in with the drywall producing a monotone shade of UNC blue.

Enveloped by the painted walls of the Blue Room has been described as spiritual by many students.

“I could feel my soul connecting with UNC while I was in room, and it was beautiful,” said Rameses Bolton, a junior studying religious studies.

In order to be respectful, only students and visitors following the appropriate dress code of strictly UNC blue or white articles of clothing are allowed to enter. Because many students regularly dress this way to classes, most males wear tuxedos, while girls wear formal ball gowns into the Blue Room. Outfits can be rented in the student union and proceeds go toward maintenance of the room.

Not all community members have the same level of respect for authenticity in the design of the Blue Room. The Chapel Hill Fire Department has insisted on adding smoke detectors which poses the problem of disrupting the room’s aesthetic.

“We simply cannot have the little red flashing light when the smoke detector batteries stop working,” Folt said. “Not only is that a direct violation to the standards of the Blue Room, it implies that we approve of the horrendous color red.”

Die-hard UNC fans have traveled halfway across the world to visit the room.

“If I were told that I would go blind by tomorrow, the last thing I would want to see is myself surrounded in the Blue Room,” said Skyler Bleu, a foreign exchange student from France. “It would be a disgrace for many exchange students, alumni, and families traveling to campus only to discover the Blue Room is not 100 percent pure UNC blue.”

Overall, the Blue Room has been voted the best part of campus.

“I imagine myself floating in the UNC blue colored sky,” said Tara Hiel, a freshman studying psychology. “Being in this room lets me know that the walls are barriers to keep me safe, just like UNC’s campus.”